She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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