Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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