Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
