Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
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he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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