I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
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so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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