omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
