That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
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No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
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I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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