I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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