Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
