your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
