We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
