what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
