Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
