i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
