Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She needs sedatives and a leash
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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