omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think your dad took our porno
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
