I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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