I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
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Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
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Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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