Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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