You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
