he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
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I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
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If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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