Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
