K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
