So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i've created a new STD.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
