dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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