My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
