I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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