You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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