So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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