How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
