Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
