and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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