All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
