ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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