i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
