I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
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