Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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