Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
