i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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