Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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