I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
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