So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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