every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
