I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
