Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
