she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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