ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
why do cheetos always look like penises
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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