listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
