did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
