YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
