Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
