when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
