dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
