why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just found a bag of teeth...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
