allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
