Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
