No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
