but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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