dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just high enough for therapy.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
