If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
there was a trapeze. enough said
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
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My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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