If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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