I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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